I'm Dying Inside
by Death'sAngel18
Summary: After Shadow Souls. Damon isn't dealing well with his new found humanity. He's withdrawn, hollow, even broken. No one can draw him out of his shell. Can he survive keeping everything inside of him bottled up or will the pressure break him down?
1. Broken

_**I'm Dying Inside**_

_**Author's Note: So this takes place after Shadow Souls so obviously SPOILER ALERT. Basically it's just a fic about Damon dealing with becoming a human again, very dark fic don't read if you can't deal with it. Not much about Shinchi in here just Damon dealing with being alive.**_

_**I wasn't really planning on posting this I was only writing this to get the idea out of my mind so unless a get a few reviews at least I'll delete it and go back to writing it without an audience so if your interested in more, review it.**_

_**Warnings: Self-mutilation, gore, vulgar language, drug use, not a real happy ending fic, and maybe strong memories of child abuse..**_

_**Chapter One: Broken**_

"Don't forget to breath." Sage announced for the hundredth time that day. A dark glare was sent from Damon catching Sage's eye, causing him to smirk.

The Boarding House was silent and tense. Elena had finally calmed Stefan down so he could be in the same room as Damon without pouncing on him. Bonnie and Ms. Flowers were busy cooking food in the kitchen, every now and then asking Damon if he wanted anything to eat and like every time he would only stare off into space, no answer coming.

Matt and Meredith were sitting in the living room as well, researching the kitsunes, finding out what they could do next.  
"Sage," Elena gave her warning tone, narrowing her eyes at him. "Leave Damon alone."

Damon scowled off into the distance, his eyes blank as he stared at the wall in front of him, his shallow breathing the only sound beside the clicking of Matt and Meredith's computer keyboard, that filled the room and he hated every breath.

The silence was suffocating and with each second Damon felt the walls close in around him, getting smaller and smaller. His skin started to scrawl and he started twitching and fidgeting in his seat.

As Matt was in the middle of his sentence explaining something to Stefan and Elena, Damon jumped up from the couch, swaying on his feet. He turned and hesitated once and without a second glance started walking up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Stefan asked trying to keep his tone calm and even.

Damon didn't answer, he continued on walking until he was in his room. He hadn't talked much since he had become human, he mostly stared at the wall with a blank stare, hollow eyes.

It seemed the Damon they all knew was lost. This wasn't Damon anymore, just a hollow shell.

XXX  
Damon sat on his back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a hateful gaze that could stop a full grown man in his tracks. He was silent on the outside, seemingly nothing going on inside his head but boredom but from the inside a flood of memories was washing over.

Damon saw red. It was everywhere in his mind, all the memories, every person he has killed. Memories of those he murdered. So much blood.

It seemed to rain blood inside his mind. Echoes of their screams ricocheted in his head. They screeched in his ears like nails on a chalkboard as if screaming accusation at him.

So many faces, he could barely remember them all. So many names, they all a been lost in the seams of his mind, or maybe they had never even been there at all.

A knock came on the door, Damon didn't move nor react at all. Stefan entered, closing the door behind him holding a tray of different kind of Italian food.

"Brought you your favorites." Stefan muttered dropping the tray on Damon's chest with a thud. He sat down on the edge of Damon's bed.

"So," Stefan started with a sigh "How do you feel?"

Damon made no move to answer nor did he move to eat the food resting across his chest.

Stefan sighed, rubbing his forehead as if he had a massive headache which, dealing with Damon, he most likely did.

"Damon," Stefan groaned in irritation. "Talk to me." He snapped his fingers in front of Damon's eyes to get his attention, it didn't work.

Damon didn't speak he was lost in his memories. With a sigh Stefan got up and left, sparing one last glance at his older brother. Anyone looking at him would see a strong exterior, someone who was easily dealing with this. But Stefan knew better, Damon was broken inside.

XXX

_**This is just a tiny taste of what is to come I already have the rest typed up and ready to publish and I will update if I get some reviewers willing to read more, if not I'll delete it. So tell me if you want more.**_


	2. Gone But Not Forgotten

_**I'm Dying Inside**_

_**Author's Note: Dedicated to Crowley's Bitch 13 my one and only(curse you all -.-) Well at least it was a review, a very excited one ;) so here you go. Hey everyone...REVIEW.**_

_**Chapter Two: Gone But Not Forgotten**_

"Your worried about him." Elena told Stefan not as a question but as a statement.  
"He won't talk, he won't eat, he's not Damon anymore." Stefan responded with a sigh. They were in the living room with Sage and Matt going over more research. Bonnie and Meredith out at the store getting some things for Ms. Flowers.

"He can't handle it." Sage spoke up, his eyes scanning a piece of paper. Everyone turned to look at him and he gave a sigh and went on to explain.

"Damon killed a lot, we all know that. As a vampire it was easy with him to deal with that, he didn't have to think about it at all. Now that's he human he's forced to feel it _all_. He has to feel everyone he murdered, everyone he hurt, and that is far more then any human could ever manage and stay sane at the same time. Damon doesn't stand a chance staying sane if he keeps this all bottled up for much longer."

"So what do we do?" Elena asked.

"Make him talk." Sage answered going back to his paper, not showing any emotion.

"That's like telling the sun not to rise, Sage." Stefan told him with a weary sigh.

XXX

_**Just a short little chapter but more too come. Pllleeeaaaase review? Thoughts, feeling? Love or hate?**_


	3. Color of Blood

_**I'm Dying Inside**_

_**Chapter Three: Color of Blood**_

_**Author's Note: I'm soooo glad I finally got some more reviews, I'd like to thank you all by giving you this chapter and and definite update tomorrow on Christmas which happens to be the best chapter(in my opinion anyways) so far! So keep up the reviews, they inspire me :3 **_

Damon entered the kitchen the next morning to see everyone staring at him. He hadn't come down to the kitchen for meals yet. Elena motioned for him to sit down, he obeyed without a word, which caused a few raised eyebrows on its own.

Ms. Flowers laid down food and a glass full of red juice in front of him, it looked like pomegranate juice. Crimson.

The color of blood.

Damon watched the glass for a minute reaching for it, grasping the cool glass in shaking fingers. Everyone seemed to watch him as he raised the glass to his lips.

The room was silent, tense. Everyone was frozen, staring at Damon like animals knowing that a storm is coming, they all seemed to sense the danger in the air.

His hand shook more and more as the blood colored liquid crept closer to his lips. Before it could reach the glass slipped from those shaking fingers and dropped, smashing against the table, glass shards shredding into Damon's now fragile skin though he didn't flinch.

Blood colored liquid covered him and the white table cloth along with Damon's real blood brought forth from the sharp glass shards now stuck inside his skin, stinging painfully.

Everything ceased, and they all stared. Damon started breathing heavily, hyperventilating. Stefan got up in a second, pulling Damon up and wrapping his arms around him. Trying to get the glass out of his brother's arm and at the same time trying to calm him down as he hyperventilated faster and faster.

The others swarming around the spill, cleaning and picking up the remaining glass pieces.

"It's okay Damon, breath, just breath." Stefan whispered shakily, desperate to do something to help. Damon struggled to push him away, panting for air now, clawing at his throat, big red angry welts appearing.  
Sage took hold of his hands, holding him down.

"Let go of me." Damon's word were ice as he struggled to get control of his breathing. "I'm fine." Damon ground out through gritted teeth and with that he ran out.

"You're far from it brother." Stefan replied sighing.

XXX

_**I just might update Chapter Four today and give you five tomorrow, let me know what you want!**_


	4. Voices

_**I'm Dying Inside**_

_**Author's Note: Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers I decided to update again today.**_

_**Chapter Four: Voices**_

Voiced clouded Damon's mind.

"Why?"  
"Who are you?"

"_What _are you?"

"Please, no!"

"Please, STOP!"

All different people, all the same words. He sat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Suffocating, drowning. He was being pulled under the surface by all these memories. It was becoming unbearable he wanted to rip his hair out, he wanted to scream. To rip his skin off, or was it to rip it _apart?_

Damon sat up shakily feeling more alive then he had since he turned back. This was a _real _idea, something not dead, dull, in the past, and long forgotten.

Something that made him feel _alive._

He got up feeling excitement build in his stomach as he searched across his room, pulling a small sheathed dagger from the desk, it was his favorite. Unsheathing it he examined the blade with widened eyes.

Hurriedly he sat back down, back against the head board, propped up and ready.

With a shaky exhale of breathe and a quick hand motion the blade sliced cleanly into his wrist creating a large gash, crimson poured instantly from it. Blood welled up and stained his arm. Pain pinched at him slightly, it lessened the burning in his chest.

With hollow and watchful eyes he examined the blood something he used to crave and compare to beauty. In truth, it was ugly, disgusting even. He hated it more then ever, hated it more then the new life inside of him.

He wiped at the blood, wiping it on a nearby black shirt with a hardened gaze.

The pain in his chest was back, the voices of past victims had returned, and once again all he could hear was people screaming and the sound of his own ragged breath.

He sliced again, maybe a little deeper this time, with much less care. The wounds crisscross into an X on his wrist.

Voices gone, burning in his chest vanished, sound of breathing no longer existent. He was only focusing on the feel of the sharp burst of pain in his arm from the bite of the blade.

More blood, the only down side to this. He wiped at it angrily.

He repeated this for a while. Cut himself, felt good, wiped at the blood, let the pain come back so he could cut again.

When he was done, high off the pain, his wrist was covered in angry cuts bleeding heavily. It stained the white sheets beneath him but he didn't care, he couldn't care about much right now.

Like how anyone in the house could walk in right now to see him clutching a knife, his arm filled with cuts. Or that Sage and Stefan could come investigate at any second smelling his blood.

He lay there for a long time only moving to reach the small bottle of tequila stashed under his bed drinking half of it, his new light-weight body getting buzzed in a few seconds and used the other half to pour on the cuts on his arm for the pain.

The room was hazing around him and he barely could keep his eyes open enough to see the shocked look on Stefan's face when he walked in to find his older brotherly grinning off into space smelling of tequila and blood holding an empty bottle in one hand and a knife in another, his wrist completely slashed up.

Stefan shouted for the others. The room was crowded with people as Elena kneeled next to his bed to start wrapping his wounds.

After the hysteria calmed down the room thinned out and only Sage, Stefan, Bonnie, and Elena were left.

Damon's buzz died and he was able to actually pay attention to what they were saying around him.

"What the hell Damon?" Stefan snarled his voice laced with venom as he glared at Damon, hurt showing clearly in those oak green eyes.

"Feels good." Damon slurred his words together with a goofy smile, okay maybe he wasn't completely sober yet, stupid human body.

Sage slapped him on the back of the head. "Does that feel good you idiot! What the fuck were you thinking!"

"Don't wanna hear them any more." Damon slurred his voice small and his mind starting to shut down as he drifted off in unconscious. They questioned him, asking what he meant but he was already gone, sleeping softly, his arm covered in white gauze.

"I miss him," Bonnie admitted softly stroking a black lock of hair out of his face. No one said anything but silently they all agreed. It was...strange not having Damon make snarky comments, hit on people, or make rude comments.

In a way he had become part of their life, part of their family. Now that he was gone the house was seriously lacking in personality.

Who knew he had grown so much on them?

XXX

_**So I have two really good chapters ready to go, I can update five tonight and then six tomorrow if I get enough motivation from my reviewers!**_


	5. Reaction

_**I'm Dying Inside**_

_**Author's Note: Thank you again to all of my reviewers your all amazing! Chapter six will be up tomorrow.**_

_**Chapter Five: Reaction**_

Everyone walked on eggshells around the house after that. Stefan would make sure Damon never wore any kind of long sleeved shirt, he checked on him every hour, trying to talk to him, but Damon never did talk back.

He mostly sat in his room, staring out into nothing while drinking cheap liquor he would leave the house to retrieve every so often.

Every few days he would come down for some kind of meal, mostly dinner, sit down and eat without word. He didn't even respond to Elena anymore.

The hollow empty look in his eyes grew, his face was paler then before when he was a vampire, and he was becoming incredibly thin.

Damon had become a shadow, his personality gone now that his soul had come back to him.

Also every once a while when there was a bright red color he would flinch away from it and retreat back into his room that was now just a black hole, literally.

He had painted over the walls one day in pure black and actually spray painted the carpet black too, and all the furniture.

Ms. Flower's said it was fine and that they could pay to get it fixed up again once they left the boarding house for good.

Everyone was worried, over Damon none the less, which might just be the strangest part of it all.

For the millionth time that week Stefan walked into his brother's room to find him lying on his bed staring out into nothing and for the millionth time he tried to get Damon to talk to him. His result were a few mumbled words telling him to go away.

Stefan stood up, heading for the door, looking back one last time he saw Damon had turned his head to look at him, his eyes blank and empty.

Hissing out a curse Stefan doubled back, the fury in him rising at last.

"Dammit Damon, talk to me! I'm your brother! Don't you remember when we were really little and we could tell each other everything? Why can't we be like that now?" Stefan pleaded in desperation.

Damon shrugged, no emotion behind the response and sure enough not even one word.

"I don't know what to do anymore Damon! You won't eat, you won't talk, you barely move anymore, you can't even stand looking at the color red!" Stefan shouted getting more and more frustrated.

He had dealt with a lot from Damon but nothing had ever been like this. Damon had never been this...broken.

He was the older one, he should be looking after Stefan! It just wasn't fair.

Stefan was desperate to get a rise out his brother, even if it was anger. Taking Damon's arm he dragged him out of his bed, standing him up out of his bed and with too much force. He raised his own hand to his mouth and bit down, hard his fangs tearing open his own hand.

Stefan shoved his now bloody hand in Damon's face, painting his skin in the crimson color desperate to get some kind of reaction. Desperate to rid Damon's eyes of that awful hollow look.

"See that Damon it's blood. It's color! You used to love it, now you hide from it. Why?" Stefan asked shoving at Damon's chest trying to get him to fight back.

Damon's eyes widened and he tried to get away from the color, he wiped at his face but he couldn't get all the blood off.

His chest rose rapidly as his breathing picked up pace.

The others hearing the yelling raced up to Damon's room. Elena tried to pull Stefan back but he wouldn't.

"What's wrong Damon? Big bad Damon Salvatore scared of a little blood?" Stefan snarled getting angrier and angrier.

Not even Sage could hold him back as he hit at his brother.

"Stop." Damon breathed out the word. His eyes were wide with panic.

"There was time when you wouldn't hesitate to fight me Damon, where has that time gone?" Stefan mused with a sadistic look. He was out of control. A feral animal.

"Come on Damon, hit me. I'll give you a free punch."

Damon wouldn't, he was shaking, hyperventilating. He repeated the word 'stop' over and over again, his protest getting smaller and smaller.

"Hit me!" Stefan shouted in Damon's face.

This was even worse then the empty Damon, he had been reduced to a whimpering, weak child. No dignity, or grace as he stumbled away form the enraged Stefan.

With that last burst of sound Damon ran out of the room, dodging past everyone and he didn't stop there he ran out of the front door and kept on running wiping all the blood away from his face as he went.

The room was silent now, Stefan standing in the middle of the room a single tear falling from his oak green eyes as Elena went over to comfort him.

"I just want my brother back." He sobbed brokenly, not caring who watched.

"You pushed him away." Sage stated simply, staring out into the night that Damon had vanished into.

Stefan look over at him, his eyes hard. "That wasn't my brother, just an empty shell."

XXX

_**Reeeeview!**_


	6. Not Strong Enough

_**I'm Dying Inside**_

_**Author's Note: MERRY CHRISTMAS! Hope you enjoy this!**_

_**Warnings: Rape, not graphic as this a T rated fic just mentions of it and violence.**_

_**Chapter Six: Not Strong Enough**_

Flashing lights burned Damon's eyes as he ran into town, escaping down the busy streets. His lungs burned and he was panting for air. A shaky feeling followed him as he slowed to a walk, staggering around the sidewalk to find himself outside of a club on the skirts of Fell's Church.

The people standing outside of the club payed him no attention, assuming he was just another one of the drunks hanging around outside.

Damon traveled inside his breathing still quickened though he could walk straight now. Smells surrounded him but not as they had when he was a vampire.

Everything was...muffled. He could remember when he could hear every conversation in a club like this while listening to the rhythm and the lyrics of the music and simultaneously chatting up a hot date.

Now he was blind, deaf, stupid. An animal without its senses.

"Hey there hot stuff. Wanna dance?" A girl in a very low cut shirt asked. Any other time Damon would've waved a charming smile at her and got out on the dance floor with her, making her into his meal later on but tonight he just needed a drink.

No people, just alcohol.

He breathed in deeply and shook his head in reply, making a beeline towards the bar and ordering a drink a rough voice.

Colors were blinding him. Yellows. Blues, oranges, white, and worst of all red. Bright red, the color of blood. Something he had so once craved and now so hated.

The colors were blurring together becoming flashing images of past murder victims. Blood everywhere, so much blood. That's all he could recognize anyways, not the faces of the victims or the names of the people he killed, not even the places he killed them in. All that was clear was the blood.

There was too much of it.

Standing up shakily, feeling the effects of the alcohol hit him Damon staggered towards a back door of the club, stumbling out into the alleyway to escape the images brought on by the bright colors.

He escaped into the dark alley only to find it was already occupied by a group of people, drinking their own booze talking loudly. All big men, full of muscle.

They all turned to him as the door slammed shut.

"Oh look at who we got here." One of them slurred out, the stench of alcohol on his breath.

For the first time in his existence Damon didn't know what to do. He wasn't a vampire, these guys could hurt him...even kill him and he had no way of fighting them off. No weapon, no back up, and certainly n supernatural strength.

He was vulnerable.

Not strong enough.

They surrounded him like caging in an animal. Reaching out towards him and of course his immediate reaction was too fight back. Bad idea.

They all pounced at once, shouting curses and grinning as they beat him down. Throwing punches, kicking, slamming him against the wall.

Once he was limp in the arms of the largest one, most likely the leader did they stop.

"Well he's a pretty one. What do ya' say boys? Should we make him feel as pretty as he looks?" The man asked with a sadistic look in his eyes.

Fear clenched at Damon's heart. The events of what happened next passed by him in a blur. He could feel their touch, he felt the bruises form, and he could feel the pain but none of it seemed real. He let his mind drift away from his body, desperate to get away from the horror below.

He was barely conscious but he could hear them laugh, hear their shouts of glee as the other man raped him.

Once it was over he was lying on the concrete ground, his jeans pulled back up but not buttoned. There was a pain flaring inside of him, bursting out if he even twitched. But nothing compared to the mental pain.

The knowledge of what had just happened. Knowing just how far he had fallen down.

A mantra kept repeating in his head even as the owner of the club found him calling an ambulance.

_._

It was the only thought left in his barren mind.

As the paramedics lifted him onto the stretched, throwing questions at him he just barely managed to speak out Stefan's name and address knowing it was important for them to know this.

But truthfully he didn't really want to go back to the Boarding House, mostly because everyone would know why the great, strong, invincible Damon Salvatore was in the hospital in the first place.

He didn't think he could handle even more of those pitying looks. He would go insane.

As he drifted off into unconscious finally his mantra lulled him into sleep.

_Not strong enough to fight them off._

_Not strong enough to stop them._

_Not strong enough to keep going._

_Not strong enough to stay sane._

_Just not strong enough._

_XXX_

_**Reeeview. Tell me what you think!**_


	7. Brothers

_**I'm Dying Inside**_

_**Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update! After that intense chapter I lost my muse but it came back! So expect more updates soon :3...as long as you review of course ;)**_

_**Chapter Seven: Brothers **_

Stefan stared off into the distance as the doctor's words rushed through his mind. They were in the nearby hospital, the whole gang standing around Damon's unconscious body in the small hospital room.

Damon looked so unreal wrapped in the white blanket, his thin body covered in black bruises. At least the blood had been washed off him, he used to look a lot worse.

Bloody, beaten, pale as if he were fading away.

One word stuck to Stefan's mind as he shifted his gaze down to his brother who looked completely fragile in the hospital bed.

_Raped._

It repeated over and over in his mind with a sinister voice. Not even Elena's comforting touch could make the word leave his mind.

It burned itself into his head like a brand.

Damon raped. The words shouldn't belong together, they sounded unnaturally together. Damon Salvatore doesn't get raped, he's strong and can take care of himself. He's a fierce predator, sometimes murderous and irritating, but never weak.

Not even after he had lay face down, struck by lightening during their battle with Klaus did he look weak or when Katherine clawed him open, chaining him against the wall in the tomb. He looked like a soldier, that had died fighting.

Strong, proud, and defiant to the end.

Now he looked...faint.

This shell of a man, wrapped in those too bright sheets was no soldier. He had no strength.

Stefan closed his eyes for a second, willing this to be a horrible nightmare. He would wake up with Elena wrapped around him, assuring him his brother was fine.

But the call placed at the Boarding House from the hospital saying Stefan had to come down and pick his brother up proved otherwise.

If that knowledge that Damon was now a weak human hadn't impacted before it was surely out in the open now.

Damon could be _hurt_. Damon could _die_.

The words sunk into Stefan's thoughts. Damon had _always _been there, even when they were in separate continents, at least Stefan knew he had family out there. Someone he knew as well as he knew himself.

The thought of losing Damon churned an unwanted emotion in Stefan's chest. Despair.

He didn't know what he would do if Damon really was gone forever. He had Elena of course, but Elena wasn't Damon. She wasn't a constant like he was in his life. She wasn't his brother.

The word 'brother' ran through his mind and something snapped in Stefan. Whether it was a good snap or bad, Stefan couldn't tell but he decided at that moment every bad deed Damon had done, every murder Stefan had watched, and every harsh word his brother had said to him would be forgotten and Stefan would give it his all to make Damon better.

To make them better, because it seems Damon's life was now too short for a feud over a girl who was long dead.

Elena wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest, her tear streaked face burrowed deep within his shirt.

Stefan looked around, woken from his thoughts to see the others had gone back into the waiting room leaving Elena, him, and the unconscious body of his brother alone.

"What are we going to do Stefan?" She asked hopelessly, not daring to look back at Damon.

"We need to get Damon out of here. There probably looking for his past medical history and such and Damon Salvatore hasn't been alive for over five centuries." Stefan answered mechanically, his voice as hollow as he felt.

She looked up at him to glare. "You know what I mean. What are we going to do about Damon dealing with this all?"

Stefan sighed wrapping his arms around her. "I have no clue Elena," Stefan admitted in a broken voice but when he lifted her chin to meet her eyes there was a fierce determination pulsing in those oak green eyes. "But we'll find out, love. Whatever it takes; we'll fix him."

XXX

_**So thoughts? Love it, hate it? Want more? I'll guess you'll have to review then!**_


	8. A Face You Can't Forget

_**I'm Dying Inside**_

_**Author's Note:**__I'm sosososososososoososo sorry it's been so long since I last updated but of course computer problems! But I'll try to update faster from now on, but of course reviews will inspire me to go eve faster, so REVIEW :)_

_I don't know if I'm entirely happy with this chapter, it feels like I switch writing styles since I've been gone so long from this story but I'll try to make this all work!_

_**Previous: **Stefan sighed wrapping his arms around her. "I have no clue Elena," Stefan admitted in a broken voice but when he lifted her chin to meet her eyes there was a fierce determination pulsing in those oak green eyes. "But we'll find out, love. Whatever it takes; we'll fix him."_

_**Chapter Eight: A Face You Can't Forget**_

Damon stared up at the white ceiling of the hospital room, keeping his breathing slow and even so to not alert Stefan and Elena that he was awake finally from his almost comatose sleep. Every inch of his bed ached in a dull pain, he didn't even think he could move much as less summon the energy to talk to them and tell them what happened.

He had already managed to get the simplest form of what had happened to him to the hospital and a police officer but he didn't know if he could choke the words out again, especially to his younger brother.

It felt all like a horrid nightmare, nothing about the experience seemed to be real though the pain was a constant reminder it was as well as the man's face that seemed to haunt Damon's mind every waking minute.

Every detail of the rough face with his wicked, yellow teeth smile and those beady dark eyes squinted in amusement seared into Damon's brain and constantly flashed before his eyes.

Damon's ears became intent on their conversation when he heard his brother speak of how he was going to help him with such determination it almost surprised Damon how much Stefan cared. But though his words were filled with passion, Damon didn't believe them.

Hollow promises.

That's all they were. You can't fix a broken man, especially not one so broken as Damon had become.

There was no fixing him.

"Damon's awake." Sage's voice cut into the room as he entered, immediately noticing Damon's conscious state.

Damon silently cursed Sage as Elena and Stefan circled his bed like vultures. Stefan lifted his brother's head, helping him into a sitting position, wincing as Damon winced in pain.

"How do you feel?" Elena asked Damon with a concerned look laced with pity.  
Damon ignored her question, answering it only with a slight scowl. What was he supposed to say? That he felt dead? Weak? Helpless? Dying?  
Stefan's next question came hesitantly.

"Do you want to talk about it, Day?" He asked using Damon's childhood nickname as if this would make the question easier.

"No." Damon answered venomously like a petulant child asked if he wanted to go to bed.

"Well that's too damn bad, you were raped Salvatore. You have to talk about it." Sage cut in with a stern look and those piercing eyes telling Damon he wasn't going to get away with it.

Damon smirked in a hollow way at Sage's idea of being worried.

Elena shot Sage a look as if the mere word 'raped' would send Damon into a fit of uncontrollable sobbing.

"He can talk at home." Elena announced, coming up with a compromise and running off to go check Damon out of the hospital.

Other then a few minor scratches and a whole lot of bruising Damon was fine, though undernourished as the doctor had so kindly pointed out with a parental look, so he could leave and immediately did so. Sage and Stefan had to help him to the car, the others that had resided in the waiting room greeted him with 'hellos' and of course pitying looks.

Damon tuned them all out, letting his mind sink into nothing in a meditative state.

As the world passed in a blur outside the car window Damon watched as a face formed. A familiar face with a wicked smile and a row of yellow teeth; and beady dark eyes reflected the soul from within.

He jerked back away from the glass of the window as if the man on the other side would pull him through, his heart quickening and then scolded himself for being so imaginative. His rapist was not out there, he would never see him again!

The mere word 'rapist' sent a shiver down his spine and Damon shut his eyes tightly as if this would block out the world, as if it would block out that face.

Bonnie was staring curiously at Damon who had pressed himself hard against the back of the seat staring straight forward unlike he had been just a minute ago gazing out the window.

"Are you okay Damon?" Bonnie asked quietly as to not alert Stefan or Elena who were to wrapped up in their own conversation to notice.

Damon's head jerked to the side to look at her, his eyes narrowing at the genuine concern written across her face. He was about to make some snide remark but couldn't bring himself to speak, like the words were trapped in his throat. He was scared that if he did speak, his voice would tremble.

So instead he turned away roughly and chose to stare out the window again to get away from those wide doe like eyes filled with worry.

He continued to stare out of the window as his mind played tricks on him, conjuring up that face he would never forget.

_**XXX  
So like it, love it, hate it? Review and tell me what you think!**_


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